Journal Entries: Friday-Saturday, February 28-29, 2020

Friday, February 28, 2020

283.6

Saturday, February 29, 2020

282.0

As is often the case. I just want to have quiet time today. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I don’t even want to leave my room. I just want to be left alone in peace.

Yesterday our new stove and fan were delivered and installed. Anita really likes them. Kaiden, our precious little grandson, really likes them too. He was helping Grandma cook dinner yesterday.

I practice guitar today. Progress is being made. Today I start nine straight days of work; and no scheduled delivery driver days for at least a few weeks. I’m supposed to be the primary deliver driver for Valparaiso, but that is not what is happening. I’m also supposed to be learning all the things it takes to run a store. The initial promises made to me early last year seem to not be coming, yet. It was helping me keep myself motivated. Now, I struggle even more getting myself to go to work. Days like today, it is only the grace of GOD that keeps me going. I struggle so much with my mind and wanting to do or not to do things. Going to sleep or my quiet times are often the only times I feel happy and okay. Too much of life is a struggle. I just want to be alone.

So many people in this world are considerably worse off than I am. How am I, how can I make any difference for them?

Read Matthew 15.

I so much feel like the woman from Canaan in Matthew 15; forever begging for a crumb or two from the Master’s table, and a few more crumbs to give to others. I am born again, and supposed to be a child of GOD eating at His table, not a dog begging for crumbs.

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