Journal Entries: Tuesday-Wednesday, October 2-3, 2018

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

(298.5) I am finding that when I do not have a definite or enforced work schedule, it is VERY easy to slide (fall) into laziness, escapism (TV for me), and gluttony. Workout #1 today. The 8-pound dumbbells are getting much easier to handle.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

(298.5) I believe it will start going down again when I start work next week. Did my new hire paperwork for Family Express online last night.

11:41 p.m.

I am going to bed later than I should. I am finding that without a schedule for work to be held responsible to I am too lazy and undisciplined to do the things I ought to do, such as writing, studying Holy Scripture, learning languages, and music. It is nobody’s fault by my own. Without defined responsibilities I do not seem to do hardly anything I ought. No wonder I have not been blessed with the finances to do the things in my heart to do; at 58 years of age I still do not have the wherewithal and self-discipline to do what I ought on my own. This is sadly pathetic.

Anita went back to work at Strack’s today after a week off. She is in so much pain she needs to take a prescription strength dose of ibuprofen just to be able to go to sleep. A 62 year old woman ought not have to work so hard. It is my fault. I have not provided as I ought to have done—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially. Where is the fruit of this faith I think I have? Have I just been deceiving myself? Why can’t I get myself to totally commit to GOD? Why am I holding myself back? What is wrong in me?

Would I fail having finances and wealth? Or, would I take hope and rise to it? Will I ever know? Will I ever find out?

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