Journal Entries: Saturday-Monday, September 29-October 1, 2018

Saturday, September 29, 2018

(297.5) This setback is just a bit upsetting. I have to get this turned around. I MUST!

Yesterday Family Express offered me a job. Today or Monday I should get instructions for their background check and drug test. Then I should be starting Monday, October 8, with orientation/training.

I think having a job where I’m on my feet and moving around more will be quite good for me.

Monday, October 1, 2018

00:05 I should have been in bed over two hours ago. Yesterday evening, last night, and almost all day today I have sat in from of my laptop and watched DVDs and TV programs. I have eaten way too much. I did not go to church. I spent maybe 90 minutes being productive.

I am fat, overweight, undisciplined, and lazy. All I want to do is escape. Escape the world, escape my relationships, escape my commitments, escape my escape my responsibilities, and escape my problems. I am tired of being patient and waiting. All I want to do is escape my life. In Christ Jesus I am supposed to overcome, yet it seems all I do is keep standing and keep trying to move forward. It seems I never really overcome. Pathetic! When do I actually start to overcome anything?! When will I actually do any real good for anyone? When will I make any difference in anyone’s life?

I have been married to the same poor woman for 26-1/2 years, and have been crap for a husband and father, and only a little better as a grandfather. Yet, somehow I continue on. I tell myself and others, eventually we will get there. Hold on just a little longer. I’m tired of holding on, but it seems to be all I know how to do. When will I succeed? When will I have real victory of any kind?

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