Tuesday, June 12, 2018
(301.0) [291.2] Now I am going backwards? I have expected to make progress, but it seems I am only continuously failing.
Father GOD, it has been almost fifty years since I prayed as a little boy that I wanted to know You, that I wanted to pray and talk directly to You and with You; that I wanted to do things like in the Bible. I am tired of hearing about how I have a passion for people that is appreciated when I see little to no fruit most of the time. I’m fed up with being in “church” and being told to get in a group and prophesy when I don’t even have a conversation with You about my own life. Your Voice is so scarce to me that I have to ask, do I even belong to You? LORD Jesus said, “My sheep know My Voice.” Holy Father, I don’t know Your voice. Your WORD says that all Your Promises are “yes” and “amen” in Christ Jesus. Where is their fulfillment in my life? Where is my healing? Where are the finances? When are the things I do going to prosper? Honestly, I think that I continue seeking You, not because I have faith, but because there is nowhere else to turn, nowhere else to go. I continue to seek relationship with You while most of the time I feel like the Door has been shut on me and I am to be left out in the cold.
So Father, either reveal Yourself to me or kill me. This life is not worth wasting time on if I have to continue in it not knowing You and not hearing Your Voice. If I can’t know You as You Are, then all the rest of this is meaningless. I’m fed up with going in circles, getting nowhere. Either plainly reveal Yourself to me or remove me from this earth.