Journal Entries: Wednesday–Friday, November 22–24, 2017

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

(287.5)

I want to get below 285.0 this month, then drop 5 pounds per month down to 225 or 215.

John 1:18 No man hath seen God at any time, the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him.

Psalm 91:8 Only with thin eyes shalt thou behold and see the reword of the wicked.

Friday, November 24, 2018

Yesterday was ‘Thanksgiving Day’. As usual, I didn’t really want anything to do with it. It, most holidays, to me are a waste of time. I find, like this past Wednesday, I sometimes just plain get tired of people; listening to their continual griping and complaining. I feel as though I do not make a real difference in anyone’s life. After a few years of praying for GOD’s manifest presence in my life, especially in the taxi so people can have an encounter with Him, I still have not seen one person exit the cab healed or having experienced the Presence of GOD. I keep doing what I think is moving forward, but I don’t know anymore. If I am not going to be used to make a difference, what’s the point?

Guitar practice is progressing nicely. I am wondering how long that is going to last.

This evening is Fireflies night with Kaiden. We shall see how this goes.

I am not a good son, husband, father, or grandfather. Not a good friend or neighbor to anyone. What is the purpose of my life? I reach out to GOD, set time to listen to/for Him most mornings, but I have yet to clearly hear or understand Him. I am supposed to know His Voice, yet I don’t have any real clue.

I see and hear testimonies of people having encounters and relationships with GOD, while I feel like a mouse in a huge maze with no seeming direction or point to it. I have nobody to talk to, except GOD. So, even though it is not absolutely true, I feel like I am alone much of the time. Again, what’s the point?

I have been slowly memorizing parts of Scripture to try to connect to GOD and His WORD. Today I feel like just laying down, going to sleep in bed, and giving up. I want better, . . .

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