Journal Entry: Friday, December 23, 2016

Friday, December 23, 2016

(260.5, 260.5) I wasn’t able to do one push-up this morning. NOT HAPPY! Feeling tired and need more sleep. I need to get to bed earlier.

Christmas is Sunday.

We NEED some real, tangible victory in our lives.

As this year comes to an end, I have nearly completed reading through the Holy Bible. I have had dreams and visions, yet, I feel hollow, empty, unfilled, and unfulfilled. I feel as though I am barely two steps closer to Almighty GOD who is thousands of miles away. I no longer want to hear how so many others have had encounters with GOD. I want my own encounters with GOD! I do not want to hear how others are moving in the Spirit of GOD, I want to move in the Spirit of GOD myself. I think it is an absolute disgrace for a person who believes in GOD and follows Him to have ANYTHING wrong with their body or soul. I think it is an absolute disgrace for anyone who believes in and follows GOD to be in debt and behind on bills and to live in a house in disrepair with old vehicles that need to be replaced.

I believe my life is a disgrace to the Kingdom of GOD. Until the LORD GOD Almighty fills me with and completely immerses me in His Holy Spirit, fire, and love, I am a useless lump of clay. Until I am walking and living in the victory that my LORD Jesus Christ won for me, my life is being wasted. This is an absolutely disgraceful shame. How do I go from here to where I should be? Two steps forward in a year’s time on a journey of thousands of miles is a waste of time and a waste of life.

I may perceive wrongly, but this is how I see my life. I have made no REAL difference in anyone’s life. Nobody has been saved, healed, made whole, delivered, protected, or abundantly blessed because of meeting Christ Jesus in me this past hear that I am aware of.

Where are the signs that SHALL follow those who believe? I do not see them following me. If I were a true believer, they would have no choice but to follow me according to the WORD of the LORD GOD Almighty.

Does GOD consider me an unclean unbeliever? The evidence of my life and the condition I and my family are in suggests I am not a true believer in Christ Jesus.

I will continue my daily devotions to Almighty GOD. It is all I know to do. Until the LORD my GOD blesses me I shall be a shameful disgrace to His Holy Kingdom, but I will NOT stop. I will continue to seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness until I find it, live in it, dwell in it, and become one with it; and then I will still continue to do so. This is my word to the LORD GOD Almighty. I refuse to give up. I will continue, or I will die still seeking. I will live or I will die, either way, I will do so seeking the Kingdom of GOD and His Righteousness.

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